There's only 24 hours in a day.

And I spend at least 2 of those hours working on body/mind. Although this post doesn't directly reference Chip, in one way or another, he's rubbed off on me. I've begun Yoga--and working on my "breath" (which is something Chip constantly reminds me to "focus on"). I sometimes have to stifle my laughter when I'm doing a Downward Dog, as I'm in the moment of realizing that I've become my own satire. Well, speaking of satire--or rather comedic irony--after class, quite possibly the best altercation occurred. I'm still laughing. As it is explained during a chat with my beautiful sister, Jessica:

FYI: I've highlighted all of the things I've said that would literally be something Chip has said to me.

1:20 PM me: that was a great yoga class

     

Jessica: lol. i don't know that I would have ever pictrued you in yoga

 me: shit, chip does pilates

  

 Jessica: that for some strange reason i can see....it sort of suits chip. 

1:21 PM 

  me: why can't you see me in yoga? :(

1:22 PM Jessica: lol...i don't know! i can see you doing pilates...

 Jessica: yoga just seems to zen for you

 Jessica: and that's why i can't see you doing yoga! it's all about breathing and relaxing!

1:23 PM me: oh, they had us breathing all right, but it was focused on relaxing the mind, taking my mind off of things. focusing on my breath rather than the thoughts that enter my mind i.e. perfect for me right now, ya know?

1:26 PM Jessica: lol...which is why i have a hard time picturing you doing yoga...you have a hard time turning off you brain

 me: i got news for you honey

  that's a human condition ;)

 Jessica: lol

 me: we all suffer from that!!

1:27 PM the instructor even said so :P

 Jessica: ahhh...ok

  some of us more than most ;)

 me: yes, he said, "we have a hard time turning it off. we're hard wired to switch channels, that's why we focus on our breath." 

1:35 PM i forgot to tell you about the fight after class

  i almost lost my shit

 Jessica: what???

  bwtween who???

 me: OMG yeah

1:36 PM the lady who told me to go, this lady Suzanne. her locker is next to mine and we chat a lot she seems nice enough. well, after class (suzanne and I were next to eachother) this young broad behind us, broke out her cell phone on her and checked her messages. Suzanne switched off the nice and turned on the cunt. She went up to her after our final meditation and said in a harsh whisper, "you should probably try to leave that (pointing to her phone) in your locker." and the other woman FLIPPED.

  

1:38 PM Jessica: lol...oh damn. over a cell phone?

1:39 PM me: Cell lady says, "MY DAUGHTER IS IN DAY CARE!" and Suzanne said, "I heard it VIBRATE!" and the young mother said, "IT WAS NOT. It did not vibrate! Mind your own business."

  

1:41 PM Jessica: LOL. so what if her daughter is in daycare? was the kid sick or something? LOL i'm gonna use that excuse the next time i want to kirk out on someone!

 me: dude, i dunno, she seemed like a new mom

 Jessica: ahhh...she's neurotic!

 me: Cell mom said, "how dare you. i have a daughter in day care. i need my phone. you are rude. thank you for focusing on my cell phone instead of your warrior pose."

  I HAD TO LEAVE THE ROOM...I was in tears, Jessie

  TEARS. WARRIOR POSE.

 Jessica: LOL...that's a hell of a comeback! lol because something horrible is going to happen in the 45 minutes she doesn't have her phone on her!

   1:43 PM 

me: i was laughing so hard. They totally defeated the purpose of going to Yoga. 

  "your warrior pose." Who says that shit, it's like the Yo' mama Yoga Street Fight?

  thank god i wasn't drinking water, it would have spit out

1:44 PM Jessica: thank you love...for making me laugh!