"Get out of my hair."

How to make a marriage last between two people with opposing schedules and interests:

1. When I have to work late from home, I leave $20 for Chip so he can go to a movie and I can work in silence. Why must he leave? Because when he's around, I get distracted with conversation or his guitar strumming. Usually the two hours it takes for a movie to play is enough time for me to finish out my work.

2. When he is at home strumming and I can't take the background noise of random bits of a song or melody being played, I ask him to "you can keep playing, but you gotta go to the bedroom. And keep it down, I have a headache."

3. He does the dishes, I clean the rest of the house.

4. He does the laundry, I give him the quarters to do it.

5. I cook dinner, he eats it. I get the leftovers.

6. Always kiss before you leave for work and before you go to bed.

7. Never go to bed angry.

8. Put the cat on his side of the bed, so he's the one that has to shift his body around the fat hairball.

9. I buy the groceries. And I put them away.

10. Show him everything bought at the grocery store. Why?  He's the one that opens the fridge and stares into it, like something is going to jump out that wasn't there before. Maybe if I show him what I purchased, he'd know what's in the fridge and not waste the electric bill by standing there with an open fridge door.

11. I count to ten before I ask him to close the fridge. That way I make sure to ask nicely.

12. Be honest about outfits, hairstyles and cooking.